明争暗抖

明争暗抖?是我想要的吗?其实我很辛苦!!!为什么没人感觉到?
sometime i feel tired.....how come be like that....difficult to life
i hate myself ...
i cannot do anything ...
i cannot believe myself...
even wat i do also i steam steam....
i still like a children...
play play play ....
but i am a young girl already....
time cannot return back again...
who can understand wat i do....
i hate明争暗抖but life is always like that....
if i lose ...they will "buli" me...
if i win ...become very "geli"
family ? friend ? couple ?
which one can let me know how can i do ?